DNA testing is becoming more and more accessible, giving people all kinds of ideas about how to exploit it for profit. One of these is genius ideas is using the test to see if you and your partner are a real match. Andrew Postman at Women’s Health shares his experience:

The news is in and it’s excellent. “There’s a very good chance,” an e-mail informs me, “that your wife doesn’t fantasize about or sleep with other men.”

The conclusion is particularly delightful because the evidence was gathered not via long-range telephoto lenses or tapped phone lines but something even more credible: genetic testing. My wife and I had each brushed a couple of Q-tips across our inner cheeks, sent the magic swabs off to a lab in Oklahoma, and our respective DNA—actually, just a tiny but crucial portion of it, three gene pairs that are part of the Major Histocompatibility Complex (MHC)—have been analyzed by a DNA matchmaking website.

Now an e-mail from one of these dating services is telling me that we’ve been deemed exceptional for mating: Five of our six corresponding alleles (each of these gene pairs is made of two alleles) are different, which they claim means there’s a real good chance that we “love each other’s natural body fragrance,” that we’re “both very satisfied” with our sex life, and that we have a high probability of producing “the healthiest possible children.”

For Postman, the results just confirm what he and the missus already know. But for hundreds of singles out there, these sites could provide a whole new way to look at dating. Read the rest on Women’s Health.

Cosmopolitan magazine has been doing this shit for years. Words like “SEX” and “ORGASM” are how they get women to pick them up right before the cashier rings up the groceries. But for today’s “fun fearless female,” as Cosmo describes their readers, there is no better word combo than SEX SECRETS and GUYS.

So it is that they’ve released a list of Guys’ Top Sex Secrets, which Brennan Foley at the LA Weekly alleges was entirely written by women. This shit is bad — and Foley takes them to task. Here’s a taste:

Tip No. 2

“When I learn to kiss you, hold the back of my head gently in your hand. It’s tender yet sexy.” – Donny, 34

The real deal: Hahahahahahahahahaha! This is perfect proof that women make this shit up. Our take: If a woman ever holds my head when I’m kissing her, there’s something wrong. I’m a man. I do the head-holding. Feel free to put your hand on my back or my neck, even forcefully to show me you’re into it. But if you hold my head, I think you think you’re making out with a woman.

Read the rest at AfterDark LA.

A couple of weeks ago, Lili Loofbourow launched a full attack on the contemporary language of sexting in a piece for The Awl that still has our ears ringing:

Brevity breeds shorthand. Television steam-ironed the American accent, and so has the Internet. Stripped of eye contact and body language, one of the easiest ways to telegraph agreement is to echo word choice. The effect (within commenting communities, say) is a bizarre catalytic conformity. We all have more or the same voice online. Even if arguments proliferate, linguistic difference dwindles. Having settled on the rules of engagement, we’ve hung onto our disagreements but totally lost our ears.

When Anthony Weiner writhed in the public eye, I watched, doubly dismayed — at his dishonesty on the one hand and the mundanity of his dirty talk on the other. Whatever his faults, Weiner has a long record as an articulate jokester; how could he have penned those uninspired, sub-literate half-sentences? Was it a lack of effort? A lack of interest? Or (and I think the truth lives here) is it that he’s never considered applying the high standards he has for political performance to other kinds of wordplay?

Why does language get tepid and ugly just when it should be doing the most sensory kind of work? Shouldn’t sexting be a petri dish of future Shakespeares, all dying to persuade, trying with words to transform bodies? It’s a kind of alchemy, after all; straw into gold, words into wood.

Read her article on The Awl for tips on taking your dirty talk to the next level.

You’re out on the town. A chick makes eye contact. You buy her a drink. The night goes well, she’s really aggressive. Before long, with minimum effort on your part, she’s in your bed. Score! Say you don’t want this to develop into more than a one-night stand. Say you even want a relationship. Should you rest on your laurels and let her aggressive self make the next move?

According to a new study published in Gender & Society, we’re a lot more conventional than we let on. The students surveyed had no trouble with a woman initiating a hookup — but if she was the one to ask the man out on a date afterward, 41 percent of the 273 students surveyed felt that the man only agreed out of pity. Chris Garcia at Men’s Health explains:

The students told researchers women could be in control when it comes to casual sex — contrary to old school gender roles. When it comes to dating, however, the students were surprisingly traditional, believing the man should be the one asking the woman out. Because in the second scenario the man did not call her [...] the students believed the man was just dating her out of pity.

Students believe a woman who wants to date has to counteract the hookup, Sinikka Elliott, Ph.D., a sociology professor at North Carolina State University, told Men’s Health. She will be hesitant to call a guy she’s interested in after having sex with him. Then on the date she will withhold sex so she can seem like “dating material”.

Essentially, if you wait for her to call, she may never call at all. Or she might — and withhold sex just to show you she’s “not that type.” Do yourselves both a favor and initiate. And read the rest at Men’s Health.com.

You’ve finally arrived. After an evening out on the town, you and the apple of your eye are in bed together. It’s amazing. You haven’t had sex this good in ages. You’re going, and going, and going, and then — no! Not yet! Too late. It’s hardly been ten minutes and you’re done. She looks up at you. She knows. Her eyes are not accusatory — yet. AskMen’s Sarah Stefanson gives you the rundown on what to do next to salvage the moment:

Do not panic. In the event of an unexpected climax, resist the urge to flee the room in shame. Stay calm and try to act like it’s not a big deal. She’ll still be out there when you’re finished hiding in the bathroom, and your freak-out will just make things more awkward when you finally chill out.

The phrase “this never happens to me” should not escape your mouth in this situation. She probably won’t believe it despite your insistence on the rarity of the occurrence. In fact, she might even think you doth protest too much. Believe it or not, women are aware that it happens every once in a while. She doesn’t need an explanation…

Read the rest at AskMen.com.

Here’s what you do need to know right away: chicks don’t care. They want to have a good time. They want to have a conversation, maybe, but that involves repartee, not monologues about where you grew up and what you do for a living. Most chicks you meet at a club know the likelihood of a guy lying to them is high, so why should they pay attention? Yeah, yeah, you can get her an audition. Bullshit. Do yourselves both a favor and shut up. And whatever you do, don’t go all emo on her. That shit’s just stupid. I get that men have feelings, that’s cool. Feelings are to have, not to take out for show and tell, you dig? As much as chicks love the sensitive artist, they don’t really want to hear you cried watching the fucking Notebook. Read the rest at GetLaidorGetPlayed.com…

I’ll explain how this works: say Prince William had had an older sister. Even though she was the first-born, according to the current rules of succession, she would have been skipped over in favor of her younger brother, Wills — and after William, the second in line would have been Harry, allowing the hypothetical older sister to become queen regnant (a woman who rules in her own right, as opposed to a “queen consort,” a woman who is the wife if a ruling king) only after. Meaning, probably never. Royal women have for centuries been seen as rulers in cases of emergency only, their thrones usually usurped because of their gender. Read the rest at theTOB.com…

Already, women are at a disadvantage for making money because of our gender alone. Yet we have the power of our bodies and sexuality, which men do not have. Thus an equal exchange of assets is not wrong and with this phenomenon, my industry survives.

Yes, he’s hot, but women by nature are looking for providers, a man that can bring home the meat. A hunter. And men instinctively, are looking for a woman with good genes that can bear healthy children and make him happy sexually. This is survival of fittest, Darwinism at its finest. This is why we need to stop wasting our time with broke ass losers who just want some good pussy and arm candy. Men like that stifle evolution. He goes out in the wild and comes home with nothing for you? What gorgeous amazon cave woman is going to want to fuck a man like that? A stupid one. Read the rest of the post by Jessica Janson at theTOB.com…

I know it sounds terrible at first. When I first moved here from New York, I was hell-bent on doing it myself. Feminism had gotten us this far and I wasn’t about to revert to some exploitative game where I depended on guys to get me where I was already going.

The problem with this world view is that it ignores that this isn’t an even playing field – especially in L.A. It doesn’t matter what your talents are — hundreds of people are pouring in to Los Angeles every day to do the same thing for less, and even for free, just to get a mention or say they did it.

Don’t underestimate this town’s obsession with youth. Young means more beautiful, more affordable, and more adept at this Internet and technology stuff everyone has suddenly become so crazy about. Do you want to spend your youth busting your ass to get noticed doing small parts and small jobs, hardly able to enjoy yourself because you’re so worried about how you’re going to pay your bills? Wouldn’t you rather relax, unwind and let someone open the door of opportunity for you? These guys don’t just have money, they have the contacts – and in this town, it is all about who you know. Read the rest at theTOB.com…